I have officially lived long enough to have an African American become president of my country.
The winds of hope have changed direction in favor of posterity. My children's children will study this day in their history class. I am overjoyed. I am without words.
It is January and I am wearing a short sleeved shirt and working in the yard. Stones that rolled with the mounds of snow pushed by a plow have been returned to the driveway with the fling of a shovel. I am confused by the time of year and the accomplishment of a chore that is normally reserved for the month of April. I haven't forgotten the Kodak moments of February of 2007 when I lay in bed with knee surgery whilst the snowfall was measured in feet. Mother Nature has a great sense of humor.
The New Year is already starting off making great memories. BW introduced me to an old friend who knows how to enjoy life beyond work. He was so gracious to invite me to a SU Basketball game and I actually took the time to go. I had a great time. There needs to be more activities like that in my life. I hope that he will accept our invitation to stay with us in fall and enjoy Mother Nature's art work.
Personal goals this year are simple.
1. Dote on Wife
2. Continue training for a marathon
3. Simplify my life
4. Organize my life
5. Dote on Wife
This morning I awoke with the scent of another time. I am sure it was the smell of my BW putting a log on the fire. What I remember of my dreams was an opera of sorts with two tenors exchanging gripes of the English moving in and taking over everything. One of the men actually sported some very large false teeth and mocked someone that I can't for the life of me remember. With all of the negative vibes of English audacity considering BW is writing about the revolutionary war and I am reading about the invasion of Christianity on the soil of Ireland, it's no surprise that I am dreaming of hatred.
On the other hand, I am going through some spiritual growth that somehow is tied to all of the input regardless of the difference in time or subject.
I am trying to stay level headed about all of the input but change can be bit ...........enlightening
So here I am typing on my new laptop and trying get back to the Bengunna of entries. I Bengunna try to get a lot of things done. Now out of nowhere, the spiritual side of me comes from the roots of my being and demands attention and will not be ignored. Several nights now my drug induced Lunesta sleep is being actively disturbed by incredibly vivid dreams that have pulled me up by the short hairs. Me having very few of those certainly gets my attention when yanked. I have seen my homestead stripped of it's finished woodwork and lay open to be viewed. Interactions with nameless people with just skeletons and organs have been an endless reel in my mind. Many of the visions have carried over to the awakened part of my days. BW purchased some resources to read in an attempt to help me with this journey. I can't quite articulate what I am trying to accomplish. I feel as though I have had this journey before. There is this faint voice from just out of the reach of comprehension that I think is calling my name. Somehow I know it's not the name I have now. The sound of it doesn't seem to make it to my ears but more like reaching to my soul. I am not sad but I can say I am not overjoyed. If I were pressed to describe what I feel, it would be, "aware." I don't feel attacked or the fight or flight gut wrenching pain. My eyes seem to want to look farther than my glasses will let me. Most of the time I want to look backwards. I know the path I have taken and the footprints I have made. But my spirit is taking a form of it's own and it wants recognition for something that is, was, or is going to be. I putter about doing my chores and this sound is everywhere. I look outside and look at the snow and it doesn't look the same as it did say a year ago. My hearing is going and yet the sound of the Chickadee today was in my head as much as it was in my ears. Weird.
Not sure if there isn't some halucinogenics in my cereal but I'll keep you posted.
Phone is ringing,,,oh my god it is! It was the wife...calling after I typed the first three words...freaky.
Kids asking for stuff and me making it happen....that was why I was put on the planet. Is there ever a better reason to thank your ex-wife for your kids or your new wife for hers? I guess I feel complete when I know that I can provide a solution. Life can really feel good sometimes
My mother-n-law said it best when she addressed the attendance of a newcomer to the family dinner table. "Charlotte, now that you have come to dinner with us, you are now considered part of the family," mom proclaimed. Mom has experience with "extras" at the dinner table due to her life as a minister's wife.
My family took in "strays" as my mom would call them, all of the time. Not like my father-n-law, I would call and ask permission first. Edith (my mom) didn't like surprises when it came to serving food. There was never a time that my mom said "no". The code question was, "can you throw another bone in the soup?"
It has become a fond memory that so many friends came and ate with me and my mom and dad.
Tonights dinner was a planned event. My daughter has brought a friend with her to spend some time here during a short break from college. She is delightful and has by all appearances enjoyed her stay here. It is with great pride, that I hope that she feels comfortable to stop in some day long after her graduation to say hello. That's what one does when you have become a member of a growing family.
I am a very fortunate man. I have an extremely talented family. My children are gifted in so many ways. Two of my daughters are well on there way to become teachers of the leaders of tomorrow. My other daughter is probably going to solve world peace in China while proof reading another one of my wife's novels. My son who so admirably brings up the rear guard of the family, will someday swim in the olympics. My wife who could very likely take over the required reading of all the middle and high schools of the USA, is with out a doubt, beyond the abilities of my vocabulary. I am so proud of them all.
Pride comes with a price. Somehow, if my childhood filled with lectures from all-knowing adults had touched upon the topic of sorrow and it's connection with pride,...I missed it. Oh how I have studied the art of sorrow as of late. Injuries end sports careers for two daughters. One daughter has had to leave a music passion behind due to life just fucking not being filled with enough hours in a day. A wife, who's own passions are teetering on the edge of a time line, is contemplating a slow death for her sister. Although I might enjoy the fictitious slaughter of her sibling, I recognize how sad it is. My son, who just fell short of a dream of becoming an all american swimmer at an event that took a herculean effort just to be invited to, wept in my arms today. I have faced enough
sorrow, thank you.
I wished that somewhere in my travels I had become a bit more prepared for experiencing the sorrow of others. I guess that's what open caskets and dying pets are for, toughening up the skin for the bigger things in life.
All of the food is put away into nooks a crannies of the refrigerator. The house has become large again with daughter w/boyfriend leaving with momma blazing a trail so they may return to Pennsyltuckie.
As with all holidays, the preparer of the food was anxious about it's bounty and it's edibility. Of course as with most gatherings it's not about the food anyway, but cooks still fret. I was pretty good at the fretting part and from the small amounts of food to be put away, cooking went well enough.
The day after is a transitional one. After a eating binge, one normally sleeps quite soundly and dreads the morning. I was all over that. The dreading the morning part anyway. This morning meant that it was the departing of one daughter and the later arrival of another. My hope is some day they,(meaning all four of my hoodlums) will be here all at once.
I am thankful for not burning the turkey and that all who sat at my table enjoyed their stay. I just wish that yesterday could have lasted a bit longer.
It truly is amazing how much of a mess I can make when everyone is gone. Air hose and compressor, hammers and nails, drywall compound, you name it. I feel like a molecule bouncing around in an attempt to complete as many projects before My Lady returns. Although I understand that my painter has bigger obligations than my project....it still sucks that he couldn't make it here this weekend. But I keep picking away at the mess and eventually I will be done. Of course I started in 1988 so as you can see, I can make really big messes.
The moon is out and the first snow has melted into the earth. The smell of the air is wonderful. The smell of old wet leaves brings a strange comfort to me. Maybe because of the fact that by this time in the year I can actually smell something....hmmm.
It is silent here. There is no wind, rain, car traffic...nothing. I guess me and the dog need to bang around for bit just so the house will feel lived in.
So all of a sudden you look up at the clock and realize that time didn't stand still after all. Then, out of respect to the other time piece, you look at the calender and stop breathing due to TWS.
Time Warp Syndrome is suffered by millions everyday. Frequently, those who suffer from this disease blame objects for the lapse of time. Countless watches and clocks have been accused of poor performance. However at this writing, it has been documented that time has continued to move forward undaunted by the false accusations.
I suffer from this disease. My last entry is written proof. I have on occasion looked under the rug and the couch for missing moments. No luck on my part to identify anything remotely resembling time. However, if this elusive character has the ability to look like a cheerio or a popcorn kernel, I have recovered nearly a month of time.
If you are lucky enough to have a BW that is teaching you Time Management 101 here is a tip to a great first semester test. Mark a calender and keep your eye on the clock.
Next entry we'll discuss Lists 101 where we will bring goal orientation and achievement to life.