yourknight (yourknight) wrote,

Just when you think you have it all figured out.

So here I am typing on my new laptop and trying get back to the Bengunna of entries. I Bengunna try to get a lot of things done. Now out of nowhere, the spiritual side of me comes from the roots of my being and demands attention and will not be ignored. Several nights now my drug induced Lunesta sleep is being actively disturbed by incredibly vivid dreams that have pulled me up by the short hairs. Me having very few of those certainly gets my attention when yanked. I have seen my homestead stripped of it's finished woodwork and lay open to be viewed. Interactions with nameless people with just skeletons and organs have been an endless reel in my mind. Many of the visions have carried over to the awakened part of my days. BW purchased some resources to read in an attempt to help me with this journey. I can't quite articulate what I am trying to accomplish. I feel as though I have had this journey before. There is this faint voice from just out of the reach of comprehension that I think is calling my name. Somehow I know it's not the name I have now. The sound of it doesn't seem to make it to my ears but more like reaching to my soul. I am not sad but I can say I am not overjoyed. If I were pressed to describe what I feel, it would be, "aware." I don't feel attacked or the fight or flight gut wrenching pain. My eyes seem to want to look farther than my glasses will let me. Most of the time I want to look backwards. I know the path I have taken and the footprints I have made. But my spirit is taking a form of it's own and it wants recognition for something that is, was, or is going to be. I putter about doing my chores and this sound is everywhere. I look outside and look at the snow and it doesn't look the same as it did say a year ago. My hearing is going and yet the sound of the Chickadee today was in my head as much as it was in my ears. Weird.
Not sure if there isn't some halucinogenics in my cereal but I'll keep you posted.

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